The Scraps Fall Here

Random

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 09:20:43 GMT

It's weird how one can possess multiple personalities. I'm not saying I'm a schizo. My case isn't that grave. It's normal, I guess. I mean, everyone has at least a couple of personalities, but mine seem to switch places more often. Or maybe I just realized this now. I haven't a clue. Nowadays, I noticed that I'm either bubbly or depressed. The latter is pathetically dominant, though... Which just really sucks. Either which, my siblings seem to think I'm just disturbed. I say they're no different [sibling rivalry reflex.]

I scare myself.

Forgiveness and Ice Cream

Tue, 29 May 2007 16:07:49 GMT

There's nothing like realizing all your mistakes, crying your heart out of guilt and frustration, hating yourself for everything you've done, saying sorry to the person you've hurt, having a hearty conversation with her, and receiving a hug of forgiveness.

There's nothing like being forgiven. I never thought she would. After that, she gave me ice cream and told me about the funny things that happened to her today just so I would smile. And she told me I was a beautiful person. Good Lord. Is the woman mad?! That made me sob like anything again. These are the things only a mother would do. I love mine very much.

Now all I have to do is forgive myself... the hardest part. I don't think I'm capable of doing that. Not yet I hope.

"Sorrow is a fruit: God does not make it grow on limbs too weak to bear it." -Victor Hugo

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Woah. Two emo entries in a row.

My Summer

Mon, 28 May 2007 16:40:46 GMT

Caution: Contains excessive emo-ness. [Let me be, critic. I'm sad. *sticks tongue out*]

This, by far, has been the best summer I have ever experienced. [Woah! Haha. No joke though.] Everything is so surreal! I don't want to start blabbing about how I've been spending it 'cause the bottom line is, I honestly couldn't have spent it any other way.

All these have a painful downside, though...

I got too attached to this kind of life. Okay, I got too attached to the people I spent it with to be more specific. It will all be ending soon, and right now, I just get really depressed at the thought of it. I haven't been this depressed since... I don't know. I remember when my grandfather was fighting the pains of lung cancer three years ago. All we could do was watch him. I've never felt so helpless. My siblings and I had to keep visiting him every day after school just so we could keep seeing him. And just in case his death was a few moments away. We were bracing ourselves from losing him so it wouldn't be that much of a shock when the actual time came.

That's exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm bracing myself for this summer's ending. It's hard to keep myself grounded though. I can't live like this forever. Who am I kidding? I have to go back to school. Go through those college entrance exams. Finish my last year in high school. And brace myself again for another goodbye.

Problem is, I might be bracing myself too much that I don't make the most out of what's happening right now. Summer's screaming "I'M STILL HERE! Don't say goodbye. Not yet." My mom was right. I should start living one day at a time. Still, I can't stand the thought of some people disappearing just as quickly as they popped in my life.

Daaaang. Come to think about it, they're already disappearing! Gradually... I'm not sure if that's less agonizing. Either way, the suck fest is nearing. School, assignments, preparations for college.

I'll think about those later on. I just really miss a lot of people right now.

I miss my cousin Ate Tin. She stayed with us for six months and left last April. We had SO much fun together. We went to so many places and hung out a lot with the rest of our cousins. She's now back in Germany. No idea when she'll come back here again.

I miss my grandfather. Heck, I always do. I always will.

I miss my dad.. Surprisingly.

I miss my old teammates. They really know how to have fun.

*Other people I miss land on this blog too.* The players of Badmintown, our family friends (the Lims) including Coach Weena, my trainingmates back in Valle, Jonika, Bea, Sari, Hazel, my freakmetes: Kai, Danna, and Ryn, Tito Noel, and especially my sister who recently moved to a condo so she's nearer her new school.

I MISS YOU ALL!